Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
