you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
