I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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