Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
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