The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
