I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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