NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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