This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
