Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
