Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
