Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
