____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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