Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize