i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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