well you can't waste a boner
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
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I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
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We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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