cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
