going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We left an ass print on the piano.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
