Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
