Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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