you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I cut my penus on the lid.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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