just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
