Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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