and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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