I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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