People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
