just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
