it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
