Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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