The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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