Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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