I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
