I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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