I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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