Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
