A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
