if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
