I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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