And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
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So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
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I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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