I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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