so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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