He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
