in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
