Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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