i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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