I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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