Your favorite bartender is back from prision
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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