I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
