don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
from now on my penis is your penis
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
