Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I pour the whiskey from now on
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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