I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She even gives head with a lisp.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
