i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I did not marry a roomba.
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