I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
