Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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