my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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