a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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