I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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