They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
